i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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