They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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