Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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