At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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