Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
