im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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