Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
