I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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