What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
