Dual....:-)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
