If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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