So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize