u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I just sharted jello shots
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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