it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
