you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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