Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
