I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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