could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
