so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
