is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
