Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Randomize
