There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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