dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
