1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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