Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
