I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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