a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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