I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
