So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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