the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize