dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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