Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
