You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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