Porn is love you can see.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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