so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
