Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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