imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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