I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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