he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
