Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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