Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
