Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
