im six kinds of drunk right now
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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