I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
