I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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