Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
