you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
