Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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