I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize