Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
