Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
