My balls are so social today.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
