There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
