I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
