Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
