If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize