I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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