Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
