just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize