totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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