His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
