the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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