you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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