dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
