I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
