dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
His nipple licking is glorious
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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