I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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