Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
